Valerie Bertinelli’s Ex-Boyfriend Mike Goodnough Posts “Cruel” Message About Her—And Faces Major Backlash
A new Instagram statement from East Coast writer Mike Goodnough—Valerie Bertinelli’s ex-boyfriend—has exploded into a full-on controversy, with many readers accusing him of taking a harsh, public shot at Bertinelli. What he framed as a simple attempt to address online speculation instead struck a lot of fans as unnecessarily personal, cold, and even cruel.
The post that set everything off
Goodnough shared a long Instagram message responding to growing chatter about whether he had been sending Valerie Bertinelli hidden messages through public posts. He flat-out rejected that idea and insisted he has never used social media to indirectly communicate with someone he knows personally. In his words, he said he’s fully capable of speaking openly and directly with people he knows and cares about.
He also tried to soften the moment by saying he still has love for Bertinelli and wants her to be happy. He even referenced how joyful he felt when her book was released exactly one year earlier.
Where fans say it crossed the line
The tone shifted when Goodnough began describing what he claimed was Bertinelli’s behavior in recent weeks. He alleged that for the past two months, she had been reading his posts incorrectly—misinterpreting them and imagining insults that, according to him, were never intended.
He claimed she was reacting like someone locked in a battle that isn’t actually happening, saying she has been “playing a one-woman tennis match thinking there is someone on the other side of the net,” and taking offense to things he said were neither about her nor aimed at her.
Goodnough emphasized that he was not engaging with her online and pushed back against the idea of a feud. He insisted he wasn’t “shooting back,” suggesting instead that she wouldn’t stop—then framed the situation as something she was fighting internally, writing that she was battling “ghosts,” while he was merely on the receiving end.
The backlash: “classless,” “mean,” and “cruel”
Even though he seemed to present his words as concern or truth-telling, many readers hated the delivery and the fact that he made it public.
On Instagram, one person wrote: “Pretty sure someone who posts this for the world to see is not as blameless as they portray themselves. This is a classless post.”
Another person said they were shocked he posted it at all and argued he could have corrected followers without dragging Valerie in the final section. They wrote that he could have addressed misinformation “without that last, very mean, section about Valerie,” calling it cold. Another short reaction summed it up: “This is upsetting.”
One commenter directly challenged the “love” claim, saying the post didn’t show love at all, and added that they were sad he thought being vicious publicly was “taking the high road.” Someone else replied underneath that critique with: “So unnecessary & cruel.”
More comments piled on, with people saying his final paragraphs were unnecessary and that someone trying to grow or heal deserves more kindness—not public judgment. Others were blunter, calling it “Beyond cruel dude,” and “Petty and passive aggressive.”
Some questioned what he was trying to accomplish, arguing that if he truly loved her as much as he claimed, he wouldn’t publicly publish commentary about her in the first place—especially if there was no value in discussing her at all.
Goodnough’s post remained up, continuing to spark debate and criticism.
The other posts: the “life back,” “erased,” and “cruelty” claims
What many people may not have realized (or what intensified the reaction once noticed) is that Goodnough also shared other posts on social media that used even heavier language—posts that readers widely interpreted as being about his relationship fallout.
In one of those posts, he insisted he wasn’t looking for public repair or performative remorse. He wrote: “I don’t need amends. I don’t need atonement.” He then claimed he didn’t even require the other person to publicly correct what he described as deception, saying they had erased him from their public life “since last July,” after first removing traces of him to conceal what he described as “a lie” told privately—that he no longer existed.
He framed the other person as someone acting out of pain and said he still had empathy, forgiveness, and compassion for them, even if they never offered any back. Then he boiled down what he said he truly wanted into one blunt line: “All I want is my life back.”
He followed that by implying the situation had real consequences, including financial stress tied to past trauma, saying he would be satisfied with only enough of his life restored to avoid another round of “excruciating financial PTSD” like he experienced seven years earlier. He described wanting to simply function again—to live, work, and parent—rather than feeling like he was constantly in survival mode. One of his most quoted closing lines was: “I just want to be able to just… exist.”
In another post, he wrote that one of the hardest parts was having empathy for someone who, in his view, had none for him. He claimed the person openly admitted that feeling guilty about hurting him felt bad, but that hurting him more actually made them feel better. Even with that, he repeated that he had compassion anyway—and said he had kept the way the person treated him and what they did “a secret.”
He also accused the person of showing no remorse or conscience and claimed they angled for sympathy from the same audience they had manipulated into applauding what he described as “malicious” public attacks meant to hurt someone in front of others. In his words, “They’ve demonstrated no remorse.” He further claimed the situation damaged his life, mental health, and career, and insisted he needed nothing from them in repair—saying he didn’t even need an apology for what he described as a long list of shocking hurt.
A third post escalated the tone even more. Goodnough described what he said was a months-long period of severe cruelty, writing: “Over a span of months, someone treated me with such abject cruelty, it felt like torture.” He claimed that in February, the person told him—flatly and without apology—that their treatment had been deliberate and intended to hurt him, that it gave them satisfaction, that it was driven by something imagined, and that it only stopped once they saw how shattered he was and realized he had loved them the whole time—while, he claimed, they had been brutally horrible to him for no reason.
He said he hadn’t done anything to deserve it. He then described what he believed happened psychologically: the person formed an entirely false belief about someone, maintained malice for months, acted repeatedly to hurt them on purpose, and then watched them suffer. In that same section, he claimed it affected his productivity and income—saying he stopped writing and lost a quarter of his income—yet the treatment continued anyway, driven by what he described as insecurity-fueled myths in the other person’s mind.
He also claimed that a week after that February conversation, the person did something “even worse” using the same pattern: they imagined a slight that didn’t exist and acted to hurt him as badly as possible for no actual reason. He ended by saying there were reasons he couldn’t—or wouldn’t—say more.
These posts, circulating alongside the March 31 message, helped explain why so many readers felt his public tone wasn’t simply “clarifying,” but rather part of a broader pattern of airing grievances in a way that looked like a public indictment.
The breakup timeline—and why readers believed they “knew” the reason
As previously reported, Goodnough and Bertinelli broke up around November 2024, and AmoMama readers quickly flooded a Facebook post about the split with strong theories.
A large chunk of commenters insisted Bertinelli still couldn’t move on from her late ex-husband and the father of her son, legendary musician Eddie Van Halen. “She is still in love with Eddie! ❤️🙏❤️,” one person wrote, while another said, “Nobody will ever replace Eddie.”
Others echoed that same idea, saying it’s hard to get over your true love. One commenter called Eddie her soulmate and claimed no one else would ever measure up, while another said she’d never love anyone like she loved Eddie.
Not everyone agreed. One reader criticized that mindset and told people to stop living in the past. Another suggested an entirely different explanation: that Goodnough may have been a “transition relationship” and that those often don’t last, predicting she would meet someone else.
While those comments were speculation, a 2022 interview shows just how profound Bertinelli’s feelings about Van Halen truly were.
The 2022 interview: what Eddie’s death taught her
In a 2022 interview, Bertinelli spoke with Hoda Kotb about Eddie Van Halen’s death and their relationship. When Kotb asked what his passing taught her, Bertinelli, teary-eyed, answered: “Love.”
She expanded on that idea, saying that when everything else fades, love is the central truth to return to—and that love still remains even when someone is gone, something to be grateful you had.
She also acknowledged their relationship wasn’t always perfect, but said that closer to the end of his life, they found their way back to love and forgiveness. She admitted she wished he hadn’t died after they reached that place because more time together would have been meaningful—though she remained grateful they got there at all.
Eddie Van Halen and Valerie Bertinelli at the premiere of “America’s Sweethearts” in Los Angeles, California on July 17, 2001 | Source: Getty Images
After Eddie: marriage to Tom Vitale and a difficult ending
After her marriage to Eddie Van Halen ended, Bertinelli later found love with financial planner Tom Vitale. After dating for a few years, they married in January 2011.
That relationship ultimately broke down. Bertinelli filed for legal separation in November 2021, citing “irreconcilable differences.” Their divorce—something the article notes she was happy about—was finalized on November 22, 2022.
After that, she entered a period focused on healing and self-discovery. During that stretch, she discovered troubling messages from her ex. Even so, she didn’t stay stuck in that low point for long.
And just as she felt determined to remain single with her son, dog, and cats, love arrived again.
“I’m in love”: how Goodnough and Bertinelli began
Bertinelli revealed her then-new relationship in April in an exclusive interview with People, saying she was in love—something she never expected to happen again. She described it as a seesaw of emotions, because she had truly believed she’d live happily alone for the rest of her life.
Their connection began in a modern way: she first met Goodnough through Instagram, after he slid into her DMs a few years earlier. At first it was platonic, then it gradually became more, as she felt something in him that seemed familiar. She described the comfort level as surprising and said it felt incredibly right.
At the time, Goodnough’s Instagram drew positive attention, with comments praising his eyes and his look. But fan excitement faded once the couple confirmed their breakup.
The split confirmed—and long distance pressures
On November 5, a source confirmed to People that the couple had separated after trying to maintain a long-distance relationship since January. In July, Bertinelli had spoken about how hard it was to keep their “three-week rule” for seeing each other.
At one point, Goodnough addressed the outside commentary by saying that only he and Valerie truly understood what their relationship was like—and that neither of them paid much attention to chatter from people outside it.
Bertinelli stayed based in Los Angeles, while Goodnough remained on the East Coast throughout the relationship. Although both acknowledged the difficulty, he pointed to one silver lining: distance made their time together feel even more precious. In now-deleted Instagram posts, he shared affectionate moments with Bertinelli.
Their red carpet debut—and what they said about each other
In June, they took a major step by making their red carpet debut at the 51st annual Daytime Emmy Awards in Los Angeles. It was Goodnough’s first time attending an event like that.
While speaking with ET, Bertinelli joked that he was a “virgin” on the red carpet and laughed, clearly amused by his first big celebrity event. She also praised him enthusiastically, calling him brilliant, smart, funny, talented, an amazing writer, kind, thoughtful, and patient—adding that she needs a lot of patience.
Goodnough also praised her, emphasizing her authenticity and kindness. He kept a practical view of long distance, comparing it to married couples who face travel and time apart for work.
Even with the breakup, curiosity lingered about who he was and what he brought into her life.
Who was Mike Goodnough?
Beyond being a writer, Goodnough is also a photographer who uses the online moniker “The Hoarse Whisperer.”
At 54, he has a background in marketing and communications and has worked with major companies including AT&T, Verizon, HBO, BMW, and more.
In April 2024, he confirmed their relationship in a Substack post, writing: “I am Valerie Bertinelli’s boyfriend…” and describing it as surreal to even type—while insisting the relationship itself didn’t feel surreal, but rather good, lucky, and like a gift.
He has been self-employed for more than a decade, having left the corporate world shortly before his son was born. The article also notes his marketing background shaped his understanding of celebrity/media dynamics, while his non-entertainment career offered something different for Bertinelli.
One of the biggest defining parts of his life is being a devoted single father to a teenage son. He has repeatedly said fatherhood comes first—even if it costs financial stability—and explained that mindset in a long thread on X.
He has also discussed his own father’s depression and how it affected his upbringing, saying he was determined to break that cycle by becoming an emotionally present, engaged parent. He often shares father-son moments online, including recalling the day his son came home from the hospital after a difficult birth—calling it the happiest day of his life—and sharing everyday moments like having breakfast together.
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